Fast is fine, but accuracy is final.

I can't decide if these are normal situations that arise at your place of employment:
*Your boss comes running in the house with his gun drawn because there was a "rabid" dog outside that tried to kill him. It was just a boxer that had gotten lost.
*Your b0ss calls your boyfriend Lane Frost because he works on a farm. His real name is Shayne and he is NOT a cowboy
*Your boss threatens to kill you (in a friendly way)
*You get fired everyday for things like not getting coffee or voting
*It's highly suggested your boyfriend moves to NYC to be a pimp because girls there love farmers
*Your boss is always "packing heat"
*Lilith Fair music is constantly playing on your bosses Pandora
*Your boss sings old school rap then insists you listen to the song as well
*Within 10 minutes of being in the office, you hear the F-bomb being dropped
*You take a trip to Hustler with your boss
*Your boss pretends he's gangsta
*Being able to shoot a gun accurately is highly encouraged
*Practicing shooting a gun is a regular occurrence
*Your subjected to listening to tall tails about your bosses previous job as a worm farmer
*You are called "Cusack" because it just so happens your bosses wife is also named Celeste
*You have to hear your boss bitch if Starbucks got his grande, caramel macchiato, two pump vanilla wrong
*Don't forget the wooden stir stick for that drink
*You're sent random YouTube videos that are supposedly funny but you have no idea what is going on
*You are the lucky person who gets to work in the area that houses most of the radioactive materials
*Your boss reminds you his shooting slogan is "Fast is fine, but accuracy is final"
*Your boss creates "amazing" tattoos you should get that say "Montana crack ho"
*Your office is decorated in various pictures of atomic bombs that you are not allowed to take down
*Your boss is a hypochondriac and wears a mask if you even have a stuffy nose or a cough


Here are the things that I love about my boss:
*We go shooting
*I've gone on two all-expenses paid "work" trips to California
*He treats me like I'm apart of his family
*He recognizes the little things I do for the company
*He brings me treasures from his work trips with the FAMs
*He encourages me with my weight loss journey by giving me extra time during lunch to go to the gym
*He got me the iPhone and pays my bill
*He trusts me to run the business when he's gone on trips
*He takes me on Search and Rescue calls
*He gives me the entire week after Christmas off!
*Basically he treats me like a person and individual not his employee
*He understands my pedophile crush on Justin Beiber because he has one on Kristen Stewart (except she is of age, but I think she's ugly)
*He calls my best friend "My Asian Friend"
*Overall, he treats me very well and I couldn't ask for a better boss!